A Little About Me and This Blog

I have always been a great lover of food. And I've always been attracted to a contemplative lifestyle. I often had an idea that the two should go together...usually because I am a bit of a medievalist at heart and part of my loves the idea of recreating feasts and banquets. But I think also the Benedictine ideals of simplicity and balance play into this. I have tons of recipe books from monasteries...western, eastern, even Zen monasteries. Something about the simplicity of the monastic diet, along with its natural ingredients and proto-sustainability has always appealed to me. As a child of the natural foods movement who has had a love hate relationship with such diets framing it in a monastic context seems to help.

I'm also a long time meditator. I've been pulled to meditation since I was a very young child. I remember my father, a UCC minister, doing a confirmation class series on meditation styles from the world's religions. Most of my classmates squirmed during the Zen section, but I was hooked. In fact the two things that stuck with me during that class were Zen meditation and a proto-Lectio Divina using the Psalms. As I got older this interest in the spiritual developed. I flirted with Zen in college, agnosticism in my twenties (who didn't), New Age ideas, Tibetan Buddhism...and a serious time of study in an esoteric School called the Fourth Way as taught by Armenian spiritual master G. I. Gurdjieff. All of these, especially the Fourth Way, have made a great impact on my spirit. But I found I was longing for a grounding in my home tradition. I had read the Dalai Lama say that if you were not too damaged by the spiritual tradition of your birth, that you should return to it because it is most deeply rooted in your soul. And all of the traditions I'd tried were missing something for me. Perhaps it was this deep rootedness.

Around that time I discovered the method of Centering Prayer, a modern repackaging of Western Monastic spirituality and meditation developed by several Trappist monks in the 1970s. While the methodology was modern, the experience to me was timeless. Developed from several chapters in the medieval Cloud of Unknowing, the method allows me to reach a state of deep, wordless prayer which often approaches contemplation if God wills it. This movement is ecumenical but has been particularly embraced by the Catholic Church (on the parish level...the hierarchy is still not sure what it thinks about it) and by the Episcopal Church. In fact, it was centering prayer that led me to the Episcopal Church, which I formally joined in 2001. Since that time I've made this church my spiritual home, grown in faith and trust in God, and even toyed with Benedictine spirituality. The riches of this tradition have kept me in a constant state of discovery.

In my earlier spiritual years I never really embraced holistic health or other such movements as they came up. I have been vegetarian at times, and certainly had bouts of natural foods mania, but this aspect of things never really hit me. Until now that is...

Two months ago I got the diagnosis that I was pretty sure was coming, but it was a shock nonetheless. There is type 2 diabetes in both sides of my family. Both my grandfathers had it, and my Dad is also diabetic. So it was no great surprise when I found out I had it. It still shook me though. I spent a weekend fuming like an angry child. Then I picked myself up off the floor and got serious. After all, I knew this was coming. So I read all I could about the disease...Diabetes for Dummies...the website of the ADA...Diabetic Self-Management Blog...whatever I could find. And I made immediate changes. I cut out sugar ruthlessly as well as refined carbs. I embraced vegetables, which I had previously avoided except as an auxiliary ingredient in a stew. I embraced whole grains, which was less hard as I have always preferred them anyway. Fruit became my dessert...I made friends with stevia...started trying to be more active, at least walking more to work and trying to ask for less help in physical tasks, pushing myself to do more.

And most of all I've decided to make diabetes a spiritual as well as physical challenge. I've always thought of myself as an undisciplined person...and I have been when it comes to food. But my life long devotion to mediation, as well as my dedication to music (I'm a musician as you can see in my bio) prove that I have it in me to be disciplined when I want. too. And now I want too...and need to. This disease is no laughing matter or something to be brushed off. I want to preserve my eyesight and my fingers and feet. I don't want to be toothless or debilitated by heart disease. So this is no longer a matter of choice. It is a lifestyle that God has thrust on me. My only choice is to embrace it, or face the consequences, which are pretty dire.

The good news is that it isn't the end of the world. I'm eating as well as ever. Most of my meals have been really delicious and much more nutritious than before. I get up from the table satisfied, not bloated. And I have more energy than I've had in years. The time factor is a challenge...I'm still not confident enough to eat out...so I make almost everything myself. But I have figured out the best days to cook and the best days for leftovers. And cooking and cleaning the kitchen are more an more an extension of my meditation. Put on the Bach Cello Suites and really anything becomes more contemplative.

So I've started this blog as a way of documenting this new phase in my life. I will talk about physical and spiritual challenges I've faced...share recipes...share some of the joys of this new life. I hope to be a forum for discussion to anyone who wants to marry their health and their spirituality together, regardless of their path. I would welcome hearing from others, especially diabetics, but anyone trying for a more healthy lifestyle is welcome. And though my own path is specifically Christian, I welcome seekers of all faiths or none...as long as a basic respect is maintained. I'm not interested in this blog in either theological or political debate. There are many other places on the web for such things and I frequent them myself. It's just not the purpose here.

So if you find this interesting I invite you to come along on the journey...make sure to take Bread for the Journey...and make it whole grain!